Author: John Moorehouse

Freelance writer and editor based out of Kingsport, TN.

Mat Quest, Chapter 3: All Star Wrestling (1975 and January 1976)

Mat Quest, Chapter 3: All Star Wrestling (1975 and January 1976)

Mat Quest is a chronological viewing guide to the wild and woolly archive of wrestling Jump in and follow along with us!

Of that portion of the WWE archive available on Peacock, the earliest episodes of teleivision are not from Raw or even Superstars, but from All Star Wrestling, one of two regular weekly programs for the promotion — then known as the WWWF — alongside Championship Wrestling. Both shows began in 1972 and ended in 1986, when they were replaced by Superstars and Wrestling Challenge.

It will be a couple more years before Championship Wrestling episodes start appearing on Peacock, but the oldest All Star installment is from five decades ago — September 13, 1975, to be precise. Televised wrestling certainly has changed by leaps and bounds since then, as has the entire revenue model. Back then, you used the TV wrestling to entice people to buy tickets to the live events. Today, the TV itself is the cash cow, as evidenced by the massive media rights deals signed by both WWE and All Elite Wrestling.

It also should come as no surprise that these episodes of TV wrestling are structured and produced very differently. To that point, we take a look at three All Star episodes in this entry and, when judged by modern standards, they are a pretty rough watch. Now for the good news; this guide has filtered out all the drudgery and filler leaving you with a selection of what has value.

Not quite all killer, no filler, but a good start.

SEPTEMBER 13, 1975 Episode (Available on YouTube)

VERY GOOD

Superstar Billy Graham interview

The eventual world champ makes one of his first TV appearances for the promotion here. He wrestles in the opener, a forgettable squash, but comes back later in the episode for this ringside interview that is not to be missed. After his manager, The Grand Wizard, speaks, Superstar Graham gets a turn and what follows encapsulates his character while also showing how to establish yourself in a new place in a relatively short amount of time. Graham really jumps off the page, both through his charismatic words and his look — bleached blond, tanned, well-muscled, and unlike anything else in the promotion at that time.

GOOD

Louis Cerdan & Tony Parisi (w/ Andre the Giant) vs. Bugsy McGraw & Waldo Von Erich (w/ Lou Albano & Freddie Blassie)

An interesting mix of heels here. Bugsy is massive compared to his size when he wrestles for World Class in the 1980s. Waldo and Fritz Von Erich were billed as brothers but any relation did not extend beyond the gimmick. Cerdan and Parisi dislike their odds with two managers in the opposing corner so they head to the locker room and bring out Andre to watch their backs. This does not dissuade either manager from interfering, and each time the interloper(s) get stalked and chased around by Andre. Eventually, things break down into a massive brawl in the ring involving all parties, as Andre finally gets his massive mitts on the two managers, to the delight of the live crowd. Albano and Blassie deserve as much credit as the wrestlers for their contributions to the highly entertaining chaos.

FRESH SQUASH

Non Title: The Blackjacks (WWWF Tag Champs) (w/ Lou Albano) vs. Buddy Porter & Buzz Sawyer

A new category to shout out those matches that excel at making one side look good at the total expense of the opposition. The Blackjacks, Mulligan and Lanza, just won the tag titles but they are a highlight for WWWF throughout the latter half of 1975 — you just cannot see much of it via the Peacock archive. There are some great little moments in this; at one point Albano is choking jobber Buddy Porter on the outside and a quick camera close-up shows Porter almost frothing at the mouth. By the way, this Sawyer is a different wrestler from Mad Dog Buzz Sawyer.

JANUARY 10, 1976 episode

WORTH WATCHING

Kevin Sullivan & Francisco Flores vs. Crusher Blackwell & Bugsy McGraw (w/ Freddie Blassie & The Grand Wizard)

This episode is pretty dull but the main event is a unique collection of wrestlers. We also see a very young Kevin Sullivan as, given his eventual legacy in wrestling, the most unlikely of bland lower-card babyfaces. Blackwell and Bugsy give Sullivan a significant portion of offense before momentum shifts. Overall, the action is decent although the finish is wonky.

TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT

Ernie Ladd promo and handicap match

This part of 1976 seems to be all about building up new strong challengers for Bruno Sammartino. Graham is one and The Big Cat is another. The former NFL star was known for his bombastic heel interviews. This one loses some of its steam and runs a bit long, but if you are not familiar with Ladd’s work, you might want to check it out. The Big Cat then wrestles a handicap match that is totally forgettable unless you want to see some of the most awkward ring exits I have ever seen from jobber Tito Torres.

JANUARY 17, 1976 episode (Available on YouTube)

WORTH WATCHING

Pete Sanchez vs. Ernie Ladd

The featured bout on this episode is also the only thing that salvages it from being victim to getting skipped altogether. Ladd puts on a textbook example of being a heel. It starts from his entrance where he bullies the poor guy gathering his hat and vest. Ladd almost oversells for Sanchez early, but the live crowd loves it. And, as a proper heel should, Ladd uses his dreaded taped thumb to cheat and gain the advantage, before using more underhanded tactics to eventually win by countout.

TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT

Vince McMahon interviews Louis Cerdan & Tony Parisi

Cerdan and Parisi are the tag champs at this time and this segment is incredibly awkward. Today, you would never see a wrestler on the microphone left to stumble and bumble through an interview like this. Are we better off, or worse off, now? You watch and decide.

LINEUP & SUMMARY 

All Star Wrestling, 9/13/75

Superstar Billy Graham (w/ The Grand Wizard) vs. Tom Stanton
Non Title: The Blackjacks (WWWF Tag Champs) (w/ Lou Albano) vs. Buddy Porter & Buzz Sawyer [Jobber] – FRESH SQUASH
Vince McMahon interviews The Grand Wizard & Superstar Billy Graham – VERY GOOD
Baron Mikel Scicluna vs. Manuel Miranda
Francisco Flores vs. Frank Monte
Louis Cerdan & Tony Parisi vs. Bugsy McGraw & Waldo Von Erich (w/ Lou Albano & Freddie Blassie) – GOOD 

All Star Wrestling, 1/10/76

Non Title: Bobo Brazil (WWWF U.S. Champ) vs. Davey O’Hannon
Louis Cyr (w/ Freddie Blassie) vs. Pete McKay
Vince McMahon interviews Ernie Ladd ringside – TAKE OR LEAVE
Handicap: Ernie Ladd vs. Tito Torres & Sylvano Sousa
Non Title: Louis Cerdan & Tony Parisi (WWWF Champs) vs. Baron Mikel Scicluna & Vincente Pometti
Kevin Sullivan & Francisco Flores vs. Crusher Blackwell & Bugsy McGraw (w/ Freddie Blassie & The Grand Wizard) – WORTH WATCHING

All Star Wrestling, 1/17/76

Superstar Billy Graham (w/ The Grand Wizard) vs. Sylvano Sousa
Ivan Putski vs. Bugsy McGraw (w/ Lou Albano, The Grand Wizard & Ivan Koloff)
Vince McMahon interviews Louis Cerdan & Tony Parisi  – TAKE OR LEAVE
Johnny Rivera vs. Louis Cyr (w/ Freddie Blassie)
Ivan Koloff (w/ Lou Albano) vs. Pete McKay 
Pete Sanchez vs. Ernie Ladd – WORTH WATCHING

UP NEXT

We continue our journey through 1976 with another Madison Square Garden event and more All Star Wrestling.

MISS AN ENTRY?

Here is the full index of entries in the Mat Quest viewer guide.

Mat Quest, Chapter 2: 1975, The Garden

Mat Quest, Chapter 2: 1975, The Garden

Mat Quest is a chronological viewing guide to the wild and woolly archive of wrestling. Jump in and follow along with us!

We started our journey with a Madison Square Garden card from 1973 and continue that journey, from the same venue, while jumping ahead to 1975.

So, what happened in the WWWF during the interim? The big news is that the world title has changed hands a couple of times. Pedro Morales. who held the title on that 1973 card, dropped it to Stan Stasiak, who quickly lost the belt to the returning Bruno Sammartino in December of that year.

And title defenses by Sammartino serve as the centerpiece, and the biggest highlight, of these two 1975 events from Madison Square Garden.

Let’s get to it…

MARCH 17, 1975

Very Good

Bruno Sammartino defends the WWWF Heavyweight Title against Spiros Arion in a Texas Death Match(Highlights on

Footage of four matches from this card exists and three of them range in watch quality from skippable to watching paint dry, although the last match features a bearded, barrel-chested Ivan Putski that is quite the contrast from the chiseled bodybuilder look he sported for this same promotion in the 1980s. And he chugs a beer in the ring after his match, so there’s that.

Ivan Putski chugs a beer after beating The Wolfman at Madison Square Garden.

The highlight of this March 17 card is the battle between Sammartino and Arion for the title, which you can find online by searching for the two wrestler names and the date. These two met the prior month (sadly not available) and most of the match played out as a sportsmanlike affair until Arion started bending the rules late when he could not fairly get the better of Sammartino. Eventually Bruno snaps, unloading on Arion in fury and eventually getting disqualified.

So, they ran it back for this Texas Death Match, often used as a blowoff match for Sammartino and his challenger du jour. No standing 10 count here… the WWWF Texas Death Match just means that anything goes. The crowd is fully invested and lives in dies with each punch and kick thrown by the champion. Sammartino scores the pin, but Arion gets a foot in the ropes and the referee does not see it. That sets the stage for another match between these two next month.

APRIL 14, 1975

Borderline Great

Bruno Sammartino defends the WWWF Heavyweight Title against Spiros Arion in a Greek Death Match

The aforementioned rematch… this time the only way to win is by submission. Where the match between these two in March was more even, this one sees Sammartino dominate. Modern wrestling fans have come to expect, even in the most heated grudge match, for the flow of the match to go back and forth. Sometimes, though, you just want to see the bad guy get clobbered and that is what the Garden crowd got here. Bruno gets 75-80% of the match before submitting Arion after he whiffs on a knee drop off the top rope. The atmosphere and the tremendous fire that Bruno shows are both top notch.

As with the prior Sammartino-Arion match, you can find this match by searching online.

Good

Edouard Carpentier vs. Joe Nova

Carpentier is quite the story — fighting for the Resistance in France during World War II before embarking on a career in the squared circle. He is a spry 48 years old here and uses his gymnast background to turn Nova into his own personal pommel horse. Carpentier’s style would fit right in modern wrestling, and serves as a reminder for the current curmudgeons who decry “flippy shit” as ruining their beloved business.

Victor Rivera vs. Bobby Duncum

You might remember Bobby’s son, the late Bobby Duncum, Jr., from the West Texas Rednecks in WCW. These two put on their working shoes for this one and turn in a high-energy battle, especially by the often-plodding standards of mid-1970s WWWF.

Worth Watching

El Olympico vs. Greg Valentine

This is the Madison Square Garden debut for Valentine, who is 23 years old and looks about the same that he does for the next 10 or 15 years.

LINEUP & SUMMARY

March 17, 1975 (Madison Square Garden)

Chief Jay Strongbow vs. Butcher Vachon
WWWF World Title-Texas Death Match: Bruno Sammartino defends vs. Spiros Arion – VERY GOOD
Victor Rivera vs. Killer Kowalski
Ivan Putski vs. The Wolfman

April 14, 1975 (Madison Square Garden)

Mike Paidousis vs. Tony Altimore
El Olympico vs. Greg Valentine – WORTH WATCHING
Non Title, 2/3 Falls: Little Boy Louie & Sonny Boy Hayes vs. Little Tokyo & Lord Littlebrook
WWWF World Title-Greek Death Match: Bruno Sammartino defends vs. Spiros Arion – BORDERLINE GREAT
Edouard Carpentier vs. Joe Nova – GOOD
Victor Rivera vs. Bobby Duncum – GOOD

UP NEXT

We wrap up 1975 and dive into 1976 with a few episodes of All Star Wrestling.

Mat Quest: An Updated Introduction

Mat Quest: An Updated Introduction

*UPDATE 4/8/26* (I think I’ve lost my mind, but let’s run with it!)

Well, it happened, didn’t it? As the calendar turned from 2025 to 2026, nearly the entire WWE archive got dropped from Peacock. All that remains is the entire run of SmackDown (which is substantial), NXT TakeOvers and premium events, and a scattering of “Saturday Night’s Main Event” episodes.

WWE moved nearly its entire PPV archive to Netflix. A scattering of episodes of Raw remains there as well, with a full library from the start of 2022 through present day.

WWE has done a decent job posting old content on its vault channels, but most of it is gone.

The entire run of ECW TV. Huge chunks of Mid-South, World Class, and WCW TV.

All locked beyond the virtual gate and key.

The archive might be gone from Peacock, but I enjoyed my foray into wrestling from the 1970s, and as a long-time footage hound, I’ve got access to more wrestling than I ever could watch in my lifetime. So, we’re going to keep going.

By going backwards. In the original concept for Mat Quest my start point was June 30, 1973, because that was the date of the earliest footage on the Peacock archive. Why limit myself? I’m going all the way back to the beginning of wrestling, and identifying all the choice cuts that you should seek out and watch.

How will it work?

The basic format remains the same. I will let you know what I consider to be worth watching. If I think it’s skippable, it probably won’t be mentioned. Or maybe I mention something in passing if you are looking to take a deep dive into a particular wrestler or style or title.

As before, these recommendations are based solely off of my opinion. One of the great things about wrestling is that, I believe, there is something out there for everyone.

Second, these articles are meant to be informational. I definitely will go on a rant or a tangent from time to time, but this series will not be the place for in-depth match reviews or lengthy think pieces on how a certain match or segment contributed to the greater wrestling zeitgeist. You probably will find articles like that on this site at some point, just not here.

Maybe you are a newer wrestling fan who is interested in the older stuff but was unsure where to start. Maybe you are just burnt out on the current wrestling product and are looking for something different to watch. 

No matter the reason, I hope you check out this guide, and find it informative and helpful. 

Click here to check out the full index of past entries.

Mat Quest: 1973

Mat Quest: 1973

Mat Quest is a chronological viewing guide to the wild and woolly archive of pro wrestling footage Jump in and follow along with us!

Welcome! We begin this journey with a historic event. None of the matches or results from this Madison Square Garden card were earth-shattering, but this event stands out because it was the first time the WWWF had one of its events broadcast live on national television. In this instance, HBO aired the broadcast.

As we begin the viewing guide, it is important to note that I am trying to break down the matches into certain tiers, everything ranging from all-time great to matches that are flawed but fun, or worth watching for some historic value or as a plot point. I may also point to certain matches and interviews where I think current wrestlers might want to take a look, to see what they could learn and use today.

We begin with this June 30, 1973, event from the Garden. You can probably find the full broadcast with a little Internet Black Magic, but most of the individual matches are on YouTube.

Very Good

Pedro Morales defends the WWWF Heavyweight Title against George “The Animal” Steele

(Available on YouTube) The best match on the card also has the biggest stakes. For someone who grew up on the Hulkamania Era like me, this is a fascinating look at George Steele, who is incredibly spry and far afield from the beloved turnbuckle-chewing fan favorite. Steele does some sleight of hand with a foreign object and the match becomes a fun brawl, fueled by a crowd that is going wild.

Good

El Olympico vs. Toru Tanaka (w/ The Grand Wizard)

(Available on YouTube) I think that what people — and by people, I guess I mean wrestling fans who are online — define as a good match, or even a great match, has changed. The first thing I ask myself about every match is, did it hold my interest? And this one does. This is a few minutes of harmless fun with an abrupt ending thanks to one extremely effective strike from The Professor.

Worth Watching

Chief Jay Strongbow vs. Mr. Fuji

If Seinfeld was a show about nothing, this is a match about nothing. Fuji and Strongbow go about 15 minutes, and I estimate a good 80-90% of what happens bell to bell is schtick. Fuji spends what feels like a good five minutes applying a Double Pectoral Claw to Strongbow. And that crowd I mentioned earlier? They are watching Fuji grab the tits of this faux-Native-American-but-actually-an-Italian and loving every second of it. Be sure to catch the culturally insensitive war whoops from the crowd each time Strongbow teases powering out of the hold. I remain torn on whether this match is terrible because of the giant dollop of nothingness that it is, or brilliant because it captivates the crowd despite its nothingness. If nothing else, it is an excellent example of how easy it was to entertain wrestling crowds in the Northeast in the mid-1970s. This one takes some work to track down now, but it’s worth watching so you can judge for yourself…

Haystacks Calhoun vs. Moondog Mayne

(Available on YouTube) This is pretty passable if not for the performance of Mayne, who hurls himself around the ring with reckless abandon to make Haystacks look like a powerhouse. Mayne, who died far too young in a car crash in 1978, would have fit right in in ECW. He never met a bloody brawl he did not like and even chewed glass during promo interviews. We’ve uncovered some great footage of Mayne in our From the Crow’s Nest series on Portland Wrestling.

Take it or leave it

Gorilla Monsoon vs. Captain Lou Albano

(Available on YouTube) In the Hulkamania days, these two saw plenty of screen time as a commentator and manager, respectively. This is a rare look at both in the ring, and that rarity is really the only thing that makes it watchable.

LINEUP & SUMMARY

June 30, 1973, Madison Square Garden

Lee Wong vs. Blackjack Lanza
El Olympico vs. Toru Tanaka (w/ The Grand Wizard) – GOOD
Gorilla Monsoon vs. Lou Albano – TAKE OR LEAVE
Victor Rivera vs. Black Gordman
2/3 Falls: Jan Sheridan & Joyce Grable vs. Dotti Downs & Peggy Patterson
WWWF World Title-Pedro Morales defends vs. George Steele – VERY GOOD
Chief Jay Strongbow vs. Mr. Fuji – WORTH WATCHING
Haystacks Calhoun vs. Moondog Mayne – WORTH WATCHING

UP NEXT

We jump ahead to 1975, and another card from Madison Square Garden.

Mat Quest: The Master Index

Mat Quest: The Master Index

A chronological viewing guide to the archive of wrestling content out there on the Internet:

Introduction (How the project will work and why it is being done)

1973 — A prologue installment

Madison Square Garden (3/17/75 & 4/14/75)

All Star Wrestling (9/13/75, 1/10/76, & 1/17/76)

February, 1976 (MSG, 2/2 & All Star Wrestling, 2/28)

Spring, 1976 (All Star Wrestling 3/6 & 3/20; Andre the Giant vs. Ernie Ladd from MSG on 4/26)

Wrapping Up 1976 (MSG, 8/7/76 & 10/25/76; Bobo Brazil vs. Bruiser Brody from MSG on 11/22)

Review the Kraken: The Kraken Classic

Review the Kraken: The Kraken Classic

Pro wrestling is more accessible than ever. Between streaming services, in-house online broadcasts, and good old-fashioned TV deals (a few still exist), fans have more ways to watch more wrestling from around the world than at any point. 

Imagine telling the you from two decades ago – even the you from 10 years ago – “some day there will be so much wrestling available to watch that you will never be able to keep up with it all.” And yet, today, WWE puts out six hours of content per week – and that doesn’t count the feeder shows like Main Event and Level Up. AEW cranks out five hours of TV wrestling each week — and that does not include the weekly Ring of Honor episodes. If there is a pay-per-view / premium live event that week, tack on another three hours. Full shows are available from a host of international promotions, especially in Japan, but those are usually three hours or more, requiring a real investment of time if you intend to watch the whole thing. 

And so, the approach that Kraken Pro Wrestling has chosen feels fresh in its convenience. This neophyte promotion located in southern Georgia breaks down its live events into snack-sized installments of TV for its YouTube channel. Each episode lasts 30 minutes, at most. A couple of episodes clock in closer to the 10-minute mark. 

But, with so many wrestling promotions out there, is Kraken worth watching? I think it is. And hence, welcome to my efforts to Review The Kraken! We kick off this endeavor by looking at the first eight episodes of TV, where the first Kraken champion was crowned in an eight-man tournament called the Kraken Classic. 

These shows happened back over the summer and so given that fact, I won’t attempt to bore you with a match-by-match or segment-by-segment breakdown. Instead, I wanted to take a look at some of the standout wrestlers on these early Kraken shows. They all have one commonality – each left me wanting to see more of them, whether it be here or elsewhere.

Big Business – This three-man faction comprises the top heel act in Kraken. The manager, Justin Kayse, actually came out of the tournament holding the title, as Jay 2 Strong won the Kraken Classic only to see Kayse declare himself as the champion. Jay was incredibly solid in his three tournament matches and the final against Michael Walker is the best match of the tournament. Lamar Diggs is the enforcer of the group and has the physical presence and requisite menace to fill that role. You could plug him right into the middle of the Mid-South territory in its heyday and he would fit right in with those sluggers. I like the concept of a heel manager holding the title everyone is chasing but, through these first eight episodes, I found Kayse somewhat lacking both as a talker and during interference spots sometimes self-sabotaged by poor timing. We will see how Kayse rises to the occasion in future installments.

Michael Walker – Probably the purest babyface on the roster through these first eight episodes. He acquitted himself well in all three tournament matches, all against opponents of different styles, including both wrestlers in Big Business. His match with Diggs was a fine example of one of my favorite tropes, pitting a smaller, speedy wrestler against a powerhouse. Even with the loss in the finals, Walker emerged from the Classic portrayed as a fine never-say-die underdog who you wanted to root for.

Trever Aeon – I have seen Aeon in person a couple of times and followed his work online in recent years. He is one of the more underrated wrestlers on the Southeast scene to me and stands out through his look, his versatility, and the explosion he demonstrates in some of his offense. 

Trey Shaw – I knew nothing about Shaw before his first-round match in the Classic (found in episode 4 of Kraken), but immediately was impressed. Again, these are short episodes, but in the span of about 15 minutes, he stood out with his combination of look, size, promo ability, and snug offense. 

All Star Special – Will Huckaby and Hold My Beer Hanson are one of the more popular teams in Georgia and probably the merch champions of the independent scene in that state. Hanson is also the promoter of Kraken, something that is readily acknowledged on commentary. While this is hard to deny when Hanson is doing local TV spots to promote Kraken using his real name, I emerged from these eight episodes unsure if this was a little too much “behind the curtain” for me. A tip of the cap to Hanson and Huckaby (who is the booker) and not following in the footsteps of so many of their predecessors and making themselves the focal point of the shows.

Kevin Kantrell – Kantrell is not part of the Kraken Classic but he stands out with a rugged, intense style. In his one match in the first eight episodes, he carries a green opponent to a solid effort and then, after the result does not go his way, beats down the referee like the official handed him a light envelope at the end of the night. I came away wanting to see more of him, for sure.

Kody Madden – Having done wrestling commentary in the past, I know how difficult the job is. Kody is the lead broadcaster for Kraken and does a good job with the juggling act of calling the action, telling a greater story, and directing traffic in a three-man booth – although the other two members of that booth are both heels and have similar-sounding voices.

One of the most common, widespread — and often deserved — criticisms of professional wrestling as we sit almost halfway through the 2020s is the sameness of it all. Matches up and down the card, regardless of whether the promotion is located on the globe, see everyone working a similar style. Hanson and Huckaby have done a solid job assembling a roster of different characters with different styles. I will keep watching through their archive of episodes and came away from these first eight shows wanting to see what happens next, and really, isn’t that the first goal for any wrestling promotion?

“Job Hunt”

“Job Hunt”

Author’s note: I wrote this as part of my Flash Fiction Challenge.

*Recording submitted for evidence at Criminal Court, Case 21 3425-32448128*

“Another round, gents? On me…”

“Hey, thanks.”

“Yer all right, fella! What’d ya say yer name was?”

“Dex.”

“Marty, this is the guy I told you about.”

“Yeah, I heard this was a good spot for guys like us to find work.”

“Sure. As long as ya don’t mind the risk’a gettin’ beat into a coma… or breakin’ a few limbs. That reminds me, Pete, how’s the ole jaw?”

“Hrrts!”

“Cheers, gents… Ahh, that hits the spot.”

“So, where are you thinkin’ about looking? Cause it’s very important to make the right choice.”

“Wait… but they hire us…”

“I mean, technically, yes. But given the current sociopolitical climate, there tends to be a perpetual dearth of available labor.”

“Don’t mind Leonard. Mister college graduate over here… thinks he’s smarter than everybody. But he’s right. Lots of bosses and wannabe bosses in this town… and they all need help.”

“Dat’s why ya nevah wanna sign a long-term contract.”

“Oh… Wow… I never knew. So, where do you guys work?”

“Much like yourself, I currently find myself between employers.”

“I’ve been with Dr. Destruction for the past few months…”

“He still make everybody wear those get-ups?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, most of the bosses have uniforms… Even the mafioso, before they all got killed or locked up, wanted you to wear coat and tie. What’s the difference?”

“Maybe cause the Doctah wants ya to wear a one-piece skintight silver bodysuit. Talk about ridin’ up in da crotch!”

“Fair point, Martin… and let’s not forget the risk of chafing during hot weather!”

“Look, the dress code’s not the best, but he’s also like the only villain in town who offers decent, affordable health insurance.”

“Wait… you guys get insurance?”

“Oh, you’re gonna want insurance, pal!”

“But make sure they also offer dental. Quite important, eh, Peter?”

“Fckr!”

“Yeah, thanks to You Know Who, if the bosses didn’t offer health insurance, nobody would stick around. And there’s lots of doctors in this town with decent copays who don’t ask questions.”

“Of course even with the health coverage, you do not have to worry about paying taxes.”

“Unless ya work fer The Accountant.”

“Oh yeah, avoid him.”

“OK… any other advice?”

“Mr. Tuxedo acts like he’s rich an’ well-to-do but bet yer ass you’ll be payin’ yer own dry-cleanin’!”

“Chef Pierre is a cannibal, so bring your own lunch each day.”

“I suggest avoiding El Chupacabra unless you want to find strange hairs all over your person every night.”

“And what about… You Know Who?”

“Haw haw. Part o’ the cost o doin’ business in this town, I’m afraid. That’s why the pay’s so good. Just watch your jaw.”

“And your nether region. A frequent target, to my experience.”

“Mrrrk!”

“We’re little fish to him and everybody knows it. You take a few lumps, do a little time, then get back at it.”

“Mrrrk!”

“Hang on, Pete, I’ll get you… another smoothie over here?”

“He never comes and hassles you guys, you know, off the clock? You know, for information?”

“Mrrrk!”

“I said, hang on… it’s never really come up.”

“Why so curious?”

“Because, well, I think he’s outside.”

“OH GOD LOOK! THE WINDOW! HE’S HERE!”

“HLLLLLP!”

*End of recording*

“The Last of His Kind”

“The Last of His Kind”

Author’s note: I wrote this as part of my Flash Fiction Challenge.

He woke up and wondered where the sky had gone.

A pale light shone down upon him, brighter than even a full moon at midnight. He looked up and saw row after row of these lights, gleaming down… so strong they hurt his eyes. Strange music, playing from somewhere… up above?

What was he lying on? Not grass and earth… it was hard. Flat. Smooth. And strangely cool. He shivered uncontrollably in his linen waistcoat, which already had been damp with sweat from the heat of the summer night—that, the rush of the fight and the burning fires… that he had helped set.

He looked to his left and right, and found himself flanked by tall objects—taller than a man. Immediately, he leaned onto his elbows and started to move back, his scuffed boots sliding against the smooth surface. Were they towers? Siege machines? No. He squinted. They looked to be larders, though each of them was enormous—so tall and wide, and filled with boxes in garish colors with strange lettering upon them. What was that? Eggo? Some sort of savage dialect!

Each larder had a clear door… glass? Unsure, he reached out with a trembling hand and placed his palm against it. He repressed a yelp in surprise as his flesh made contact. It was cold! He whimpered. What witchcraft was this?

Witchcraft…

Witchcraft…

He started to remember.

He came to the colonies like most others—looking for a fresh start. He hadn’t been much for logging or construction. He couldn’t fish, couldn’t shoe a horse, couldn’t fix things with tools. The thing he was best at, the only thing he was good at, if he was honest, was killing. First, he hunted for the settlement. Then one day a man came to town, driving a wagon carrying a rough-looking bunch. The man was hiring help to clear out the wilderness, for 10 pounds a week. 10 British pounds.

And so he left and went to work, and learned clearing wilderness had a lot less to do with cutting down trees and a lot more to do with killing any savages they found. The last thing he remembered, they were in another village… he had no idea how many there’d been by now… they’d done like before, storming in at midnight and killing everything that moved. Men, women, children… it didn’t matter. Every scalp paid.

Near the end, as always, he and his mates started taking torches to huts. But this time, in the firelight, this old crone had stepped out of one of the huts, naked as her born day, her body twisted and gnarled like an old sickly tree. The way he figured, she was the last in the village left alive.

He leveled his flintlock in her direction, and she pointed a finger back at him.

He could remember even her words.

“Now you will know what it means to be the last!” the crone said.

And now he woke up…

Where was he?

He looked left and right and saw long rows of these huge larders. A voice boomed out of the air all around him. God? The Devil? It came from the air, and the man who killed and scalped with no remorse squealed and wet himself.

“ATTENTION FOOD-MART SHOPPERS, DON’T FORGET OUR THANKSGIVING SPECIAL… 10% OFF TURKEY BREASTS AND 20% OFF WHOLE BIRDS. THAT’S 10% OFF BREASTS AND 20% OFF WHOLE BIRDS, ONLY AT FOOD-MART!”

He covered his ears and began to scream, the last shreds of his sanity slipping away.

“Hey, What Happened To Your Eye?”

“Hey, What Happened To Your Eye?”

Author’s note: I wrote this as part of my Flash Fiction Challenge.

“We was all in the tavern, you see—oye, don’t gimme that look, you know I come here whenever I can! Anyway, ‘twas the usual collection of sellswords, cutpurses, scoundrels, thugs, an’ assassins… until the door swung open an’ in stepped this catfolk. He was wearin’ some bright yellow suit that was tight to the skin. All the chatter in the place stopped—not like catfolk is common ‘round these parts. Then the cat speaks… an’ he says,

“ ‘Scuse me, dahlins, I’m lookin’ for the Crimson Hand.’

“You and me both know the Crimson Hand’s rep and nobody goes lookin’ for those folks unless they’s either crazy or crazy tough. But that didn’t stop ol’ Steecs.

“You remember Steecs, yeah? Just goblins being goblins, ya know? Well, Steecs jumps on the bar an’ pipes up with,

“ ‘Hey kitty kitty, if ya want milk, head for the barn!’ And the whole place busts up laughin’, but that’s how it all started.

“The cat moved so fast, like a yellow blur. He grabs a pint glass offa the table closest an’ wings it at Steecs, catchin’ him right between the eyes, an’ ol’ Steecs keels over. That had some of the heavies who run with Steecs reachin’ for their guns. I’ll be damned if the catfolk whips out this massive revolver. It gleamed in the light, like it was made o’ pure silver.

“He was the fastest draw I ever seen. One second he’s empty handed, the next the shooter’s in his hand an’ he’s squeezin’ off rapid-fire, an’ not only is he fast he’s accurate, hittin’ those thugs in their gun hands.

“But now the rest o’ the place has come to on what’s happenin’, ‘cept the catfolk’s gone empty, see? No bother to him. He’s got this hat, this wide-brimmed green number with some outrageous yellow feather in it, an’ he spins it off his head on the hat rack by the door—you know the one—an’ turns an’ uncorks this flyin’ kick to that troll, Razi, the one what does muscle work sometimes for the syndicate? An’ there’s this crunch an’ big Razi just drops like a felled tree. Now the cat is all over the place, punchin’ kickin’ an’ head-buttin’ an’ leavin’ bodies sprawled all over the place. An’ nobody can match this furry fury, an’ finally I see my opening!

“There’s only a few fellas left standin’ by now even though maybe a minute’s passed since he came through the door, an’ I pick up my dagger an’ fling it at him while his back’s turned. An’ gettaloadathis, he reaches out without lookin’ and grabs my dagger outta midair. With one hand, he’s punchin’ the teeth outta one of them duergar that mess around town, and with the other he takes that dagger an’ wings it back at me, hilt first, an’ it catches me right in the eye! Next thing I know he’s right on top ‘o me an’ he uncorks this punch to the jaw that drops me. Imagine bein’ hit with somethin’ incredibly hard, but also soft from his fur, like a velvet brick.

“When I come to, the catfolk was gone, an’ everyone else in the bar had been laid low.”

The man behind the bar looked at the speaker, his eyes narrowing.

“I was just trying to be polite. … And I think you’ve had enough.”

“Big Game”

“Big Game”

Author’s note: I wrote this as part of my Flash Fiction Challenge

The hunter strode through the forest, a cloud of breath wisping from his mouth. His shadow stretched to his right under the unflinching light of the full moon, darting between the dormant and leafless trees.

What had brought him to such a bleak place?

Redemption.

“I assure you, sir, I am no stranger to the pursuit of dangerous prey, as my news coverage would attest,” he said three days prior on the edge of northern wilderness. “The White Rhino of Kampuchea? The man-eating Kodiak bear? Their skins hang in my den. Or the 93 buffalo kills to my name. There is no game too fearsome, too dangerous for me to conquer…”

“And yet, you need a guide,” the Indian continued to rock back and forth in his seat. Frankly, it was unsettling.

“Yes. You see, I am unfamiliar with this region. If one of your trackers might help me find the beast’s path…”

“The prey you seek is no beast. Nor is it man. It is wendigo. Forever hungry, forever hunting. Wendigo feels no fear or pain. You will find no tracker here to join you, hunter.”

And so Edmond ventured forth himself. He had never taken human life, but with every mishap since leaving that hunting lodge, he had pondered at each whether it would have been better to put a bullet into that old Indian. Had some savage curse been placed upon him? It rained for the first day solid. What gear survived the drenching, he had awoken the next day to find shredded into the tiniest of pieces. And now, after a sleepless night on frozen ground, Edmond found himself irrevocably lost in this skeletal landscape.

Edmond Shillingford, renowned hunter of big game, here to slay the mythical wendigo. That would scuttle the accusations of drugging his prey, claims that scuttled his clientele as a safari guide and cost him patronage in both New York and London. If only they knew the full truth…

The tainted bullets he fired into the white rhino, who wandered pain-blind for four days before he finally died.

The Kodiak had never eaten a man and was, in fact, female. Coaxed from her den when Edmond dealt one of her cubs a mortal wound with his knife, then tethered it so she could hear its cries.

And yes, those were group hunts for the buffalo, but Edmond always had been an excellent shot.

A noise drew Edmond out of his reverie. Nails, scrabbling on stone. The hunter whirled to his right… nothing. He squinted. There, in the moonlight. Edmond stepped forward and then saw it—a single, splayed footprint in the earth, a curved talon at the end of each toe.

An ear-splitting howl cut through the darkness, creating a knot of fear in his belly. Edmond spun in the direction of the howl and fired blind, the echoes of the shot rolling through the forest. Disoriented, Edmond never realized the wendigo was upon him until a single slash of a talon severed both Achilles tendons. As Edmond fell, another stabbing strike had warm blood spilling out on the rocky ground.

Another howl, now from much closer. Belly down, Edmond felt an incredible sharpness penetrate his jacket, his clothes, into his flesh. He began to scream.

His skin would hang in a den as well.