Author’s note: I wrote this as part of my Flash Fiction Challenge.

*Recording submitted for evidence at Criminal Court, Case 21 3425-32448128*

“Another round, gents? On me…”

“Hey, thanks.”

“Yer all right, fella! What’d ya say yer name was?”

“Dex.”

“Marty, this is the guy I told you about.”

“Yeah, I heard this was a good spot for guys like us to find work.”

“Sure. As long as ya don’t mind the risk’a gettin’ beat into a coma… or breakin’ a few limbs. That reminds me, Pete, how’s the ole jaw?”

“Hrrts!”

“Cheers, gents… Ahh, that hits the spot.”

“So, where are you thinkin’ about looking? Cause it’s very important to make the right choice.”

“Wait… but they hire us…”

“I mean, technically, yes. But given the current sociopolitical climate, there tends to be a perpetual dearth of available labor.”

“Don’t mind Leonard. Mister college graduate over here… thinks he’s smarter than everybody. But he’s right. Lots of bosses and wannabe bosses in this town… and they all need help.”

“Dat’s why ya nevah wanna sign a long-term contract.”

“Oh… Wow… I never knew. So, where do you guys work?”

“Much like yourself, I currently find myself between employers.”

“I’ve been with Dr. Destruction for the past few months…”

“He still make everybody wear those get-ups?”

“What do you mean?”

“He still make everybody wear those get-ups?”

“I mean, most of the bosses have uniforms… Even the mafioso, before they all got killed or locked up, wanted you to wear coat and tie. What’s the difference?”

“Maybe cause the Doctah wants ya to wear a one-piece skintight silver bodysuit. Talk about ridin’ up in da crotch!”

“Fair point, Martin… and let’s not forget the risk of chafing during hot weather!”

“Look, the dress code’s not the best, but he’s also like the only villain in town who offers decent, affordable health insurance.”

“Wait… you guys get insurance?”

“Oh, you’re gonna want insurance, pal!”

“But make sure they also offer dental. Quite important, eh, Peter?”

“Fckr!”

“Yeah, thanks to You Know Who, if the bosses didn’t offer health insurance, nobody would stick around. And there’s lots of doctors in this town with decent copays who don’t ask questions.”

“Of course even with the health coverage, you do not have to worry about paying taxes.”

“Unless ya work fer The Accountant.”

“Oh yeah, avoid him.”

“OK… any other advice?”

“Mr. Tuxedo acts like he’s rich an’ well-to-do but bet yer ass you’ll be payin’ yer own dry-cleanin’!”

“Chef Pierre is a cannibal, so bring your own lunch each day.”

“I suggest avoiding El Chupacabra unless you want to find strange hairs all over your person every night.”

“And what about… You Know Who?”

“Haw haw. Part o’ the cost o doin’ business in this town, I’m afraid. That’s why the pay’s so good. Just watch your jaw.”

“And your nether region. A frequent target, to my experience.”

“Mrrrk!”

“We’re little fish to him and everybody knows it. You take a few lumps, do a little time, then get back at it.”

“Mrrrk!”

“Hang on, Pete, I’ll get you… another smoothie over here?”

“He never comes and hassles you guys, you know, off the clock? You know, for information?”

“Mrrrk!”

“I said, hang on… it’s never really come up.”

“Why so curious?”

“Because, well, I think he’s outside.”

“OH GOD LOOK! THE WINDOW! HE’S HERE!”

“HLLLLLP!”

*End of recording*

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